The Lies We Tell Ourselves and How to Change
What lies do you tell yourself?

"I am so ugly."

"I am stupid."

"I am not worthy of being loved."

"No one cares about me."

"I am a bad mom."

"I can't do anything right."

"I am fat, so no one will like me."

"I'm fine."

The worst lies are the lies we tell ourselves.
-Richard Bach

Everything I wrote above are lies I have told myself. Some of them are things I think on a fairly regular basis. Can you relate to this?


I got to thinking about this after my recent trip to Walt Disney World. We got a magic picture done by the Disney photographers and I immediately started picking it apart and planning ways to crop it so that I could make myself look better. [I included the original photo and the picture once I cropped and edited it.]


Why?


Because I told myself that I look too fat and that people will judge me. Whether others judge me or not should be irrelevant. However, I beat myself up repeatedly about how I look or act rather than celebrating and building myself up.

Disney magic with Minnie

A photo we had taken at Disney's Hollywood Studios that I like for the magic but hate for the way I look.

Minnie2

The only way to make this photo acceptable to the lies that I tell myself about how I look was to remove myself completely.

I often wonder why I am ashamed of the way that I look or act. I know part of it stems from my anxiety and depression. But another part of it definitely comes from the way that society depicts the ideal woman. When asked what people think is beautiful, I would venture to guess that many would comment on looks - fit, nice hair, tall, etc. 

If you are curious to see how your implicit beliefs align with people's looks, religion, etc., check out Project Implicit. I would love to know your thoughts.

Stop the Lies with Truths

So, how do we build ourselves up when we are constantly lying to ourselves? Try telling yourself the truth with affirmations. Change the narrative from negative and start celebrating the positive. Say them as often as you want so that you can start to believe in them and they are what pop into your mind first rather than the lies.


Here are some examples:


"I am beautiful."

"I am worthy of love."

"I am loved."

"I am smart and capable."

"I am a good mom."

"I am enough."

"I am a Child of God."

It's the repetition of affirmations that leads to belief. And once that belief becomes a deep conviction, things begin to happen.
-Claude M. Bristol

A Final Thought

I feel like I would be remiss if I did not mention this last point. As a whole, our society accepts fat shaming. So many other things we shun and try to change, but fat shaming continues. 


As someone that has struggled with my weight since the day I was born (seriously, I was a big baby), I can honestly say that weight is not all about diet and exercise. 


Before you string me up...yes, I know that plays a HUGE (no pun intended) part in someone's health. However, there are other factors that you may not realize. For example, many medical issues cause excessive weight gain or trouble losing weight. I suffer from gastroparesis, which means that I cannot eat the traditional diet recommendations that are high in fiber without suffering extreme abdominal pains (i.e. raw fruits and vegetables). That makes eating a balanced diet really tough. Additionally, I suffer from a connective tissue disease that makes exercise really painful. 


I am not making excuses. I am well aware that my diet is not always great or that I should work out more. All I am saying is to give others grace and give yourself grace. You would not want someone to pick you apart or shame you for something you give yourself plenty of flack over. Trust me when I say that I tear myself down plenty without being fat shamed. 

At the Castle

Unedited photo of my sister, my daughter, and I at Cinderella's Castle in Magic Kingdom at Walt Disney World.

Us at castle

This still does not live up to my "ideals," but why did I feel the need to edit it at all? The original is so pretty!

My daughter and I

My daughter and I outside Animal Kingdom. Unedited.

AK2

My daughter and I at Animal Kingdom, edited to remove my super white legs.

Lies
Truth

3 thoughts on “The Lies We Tell Ourselves and How to Change

  1. Thanks for this. I can relate. I’m the hardest on myself and am working on trying positive affirmations. My kids said it best, “Mom it doesn’t need to be perfect. We love it.” Live in the moment and enjoy.

  2. I’m glad you’re using positive affirmations to try to turn thing around for you mentally! That is a huge tool of mine as well. Yes, you are worthy of love, especially from yourself 💜💜💜

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